Wednesday, March 30, 2011

My 18th

My 18th birthday is tomorrow, i wish i could bore you with the details of what i have planned to do. But i think that i'm just gonna binge on pizza with my family and watch movies. My trip to Africa is the best gift i could ever get.
When i was in thrifties the other day with my mom and brother, i thought about how much i love them, and how i wouldn't know what to do with out them. Family IS everything.

Friday, March 18, 2011

I think

I think if there is ever a time to completely get rid of everything i am attached to (electronically) and everything i had ever invested in, just to be footloose and fancy-free, that time would be right now. It's too cold to go on my hike today, so i will hold out till i feel it is right. honestly i think i am just making excuses not to go outside and be weathered by the bushes and muck and shade. 
So here's to procrastinating! cheers

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

I am clean

I sold my computer, I am reading more.

Friday, March 4, 2011



Tuesday, March 1, 2011

negative nancy

I wonder why you seemed shocked when i answered your question. I don't hate anyone, but i do get mad. there's a fine line. You hate a lot of people. And you've been really mad lately. You seem stressed. I think you're stressed. I hope you come out of this puddle very strongly.. and dry ;)

So enough about that, i'm over it. I had my interview for this trip to ghana. Aced it. 
One thing i don't like is that i still don't have a ticket for anywhere yet. As if i'm still not set on going anywhere. I feel disloyal to my job. But i had to quit eventually. I'll be back for sure. I liked working where i work. Everyone has such different personalities, and everyday was something new. I learn't so much fun stuff, and it will for sure help me in the future. Best staff ever!
ughuhhh, sigh. Last two weeks. Hopefully it warms up, i need to lse these love handles, and eat right. This job has been indulging, but i really cannot wait till i'm unemployed and free. 
yeah, yeah, yeah, i know… Everyone has to work for a living someday, you can't just get up and quite. I don't know, i guess i'm still young,  i'm kinda "allowed" to just live the easy life for the last bit i have left. 
Anyways, adfalfhalkfhlkfah

Sunday, February 6, 2011


P.s. …it's raining, but not like annoying gross muddy slushy rain, like beautiful misty rain that feels good. Good day


One step at a time, i think everything takes one step at a time. Going to Australia is a big deal, and bigger deals have way more steps that need to be accomplished. Right now i need to focus on getting my license. i need to focus on this because right now it is the only thing that is holding me back, and it is the only thing that is making stressed out of my friggen mind. I may not be able to leave in April, and that is OK I will just go in July. It's better that way anyways, because i then get to enjoy summer here… and enjoy summer over there, and then i get to come back to the same weather i left with. All in all, maybe not getting my license right isn't such a bad thing, and in fact it is a sign. MAYBE or maybe my plans are just not working out because i did not plan this out right and NOTHING IS GOIGN AS PLAN. But it'll happen if not April, JULY. :) Live in the now, right? Live in the now…. 

Friday, January 28, 2011


irritated, and stressed with… everything…

Thursday, January 20, 2011

Loser, a loser is what you are…

Since when do people who've lived for more than 30 years, think that talking behind a teenager's back is really making them look good. not to mention you're a pansy.
Nothing needs to be said. i think we can all understand the maturity in all this. yeaaaaaaa it's fucking overflowing 'aint it?

what gives..

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

watermelons can fly, and snowshoes can swim

When i talk with someone about dreams and idea's i want to accomplish, they are excited and opinionated on the subject. But when i come in every other day after that, full of new and greater idea's, I find that people lose interest. They lose faith. they lose that thrill of knowing i could accomplish something like going to Asia, or Australia etc. But what really gets me, is that people can be so narrow minded. why is it that i can't change my mind. That i can't come up with greater dreams for myself. Why is it that you have to assume it won't happen. Yes, i make plans. But when i'm not talking with you about those plans, i am thinking about what i could do instead, what i could do instead that would make my life from here on out better. 
I have an open mind. i will do whatever if i feel it will make someone else, or even myself happy. But i just hate how i can't discuss things, i have to always have a definite plan. this probably doesn't make any sense… but i guess it helps me.
 "Sometimes i wonder"  Everyone of my journal entries for the day, start's with "Sometimes I wonder". Just about every single one. I thinks that's mystical. 

I feel like an outsider looking in just about everyday. I feel like i don't compute with beings. Like i'm trying to understand what they want from me. Like i'm trying to understand why they talk about the things they do, and do the things they do. Like an alien. Do you ever feel that way? Like you are behind the glass…

Just now, my mom was asking me what i was reading these days, and whether i found a good book. I said "no. nothing. I haven't found one i'm interested in yet. I like to read books about psychology, and interactions with humans. Just how humans socialize, and affects on our brains. Just, like, how things affect us as humans, and why we do certain things". And after I said that, i was thinking to myself, about just how alienated i feel from the world. When i look at someone, i'm constantly asking myself "why…?" why are his eyebrows so close to his eyes? Why does he spit when he talks? I wonder how he feels knowing that he's embarrassed. I wonder if he walks like that because he's trying to make a statement, or if he's trying not to. Do you think that he bashes people because of problems he's had as a child. I wonder why he has to make everything bad, why he has to hate on every. thing. Do you think people notice when their hair grows, even the slightest bit? Why do I always get offended by the way people listen and stand when i'm talking to them, who cares what their saying, they obviously don't liek talking to me. I wonder if he thinks i don't like him. I wonder if she thinks i don't like her. i wonder if she feels threatened by me. I wonder if she wakes up in the morning as sleep deprived, and depressed as I do. I wonder everyday, if i had a normal voice, and not this bitchy girl voice people would take me serious. and understand what i'm trying to say. I wish every fucking day, that people didn't take offence to anything i said or did. And i wish everyday that people knew how much i care for them, and take in what they say more than they know. 
p.s. I listen to every word around me. And i question my morals every single day. 

I made a snowman today. I went for a run, then i was doing my crunches in the snow. And i layed there creating a molded coffin of my body in the snow, thinking about how much i love looking at the sky when it is framed by swaying trees. Anyways. The snow was perfect so i made a snowman BIGN BANG BOOM this blog is done!

Thursday, January 6, 2011


AND I'M MAKING AN APPOINTMENT  TO PRACTICE DRIVING FOR THE ROAD TEST ON MONDAY… hopefully i'm good enough to get the go-ahead and get my licence! WOOOHOOO! people WOOOHOOO! one step closer to Australia, i can smell it..!

Tuesday, January 4, 2011


Today was great, tomorrow will be great. and the next day… and the next day… and forever into 2012!

Monday, January 3, 2011

What is this mine field doing in my head?

How does three days of complete serenity disappear so silently? The same way leaves fall off their branch. Time does not stop. I'm thinking of my death today. I'm thinking of how i only have about 40 years left before i become miserable and depressed, and my bones begin their stages towards becoming brittle. We all think we have 100 years. but truly we have 50. 50 to party and make big mistakes. Not to think about death and how much time we have. We are young. We are ruthless.Begin living like it while we have the chance to get away with it…

Anyways, 'nough with the stupidity. I'm bored. Bye

Sunday, January 2, 2011

Tin Foil Eye Balls

Since when is 2010 over?
How does everyone feel?
What is your gut telling you?
lose weight? move? make more money? try out for that job you want? yada yada yada…
I'm gonna move on. Take that boxing class. Visit my starbucks friends. And smile at the cute Fabutan guy. yup i'm gonna come visit Edmonton 2 months before i leave. Weird conversations with strangers at bus stops. And maybe even visit Carol, my first boss. thank her for everything she showed me. 2011 is gonna be good. I can feel it…