Thursday, March 18, 2010

P.S.

Oh and i deactivated my facebook, because i'm tired of the internet social life. phone or no phone.

How can life be full of soo many possibilities, and i can't find one.

So, I recently looked up "how to get motivated" means you ARE in a pretty big slum, when you rather go home watch your fav. show and eat chocolate easter eggs. I am getting weird bumps on my ears, and i think they're pimples, but i have never had more than one at a time… hmm..
SOOOO living on my own basically. I don't think i could of done it without my sister. But i have been through the biggest emotional ups and downs this year. GREAT START HEY!? i mean beginning January, i was set on coming home, even before i started going to that new school on the island. I just felt like i wasn't pressured to make a big appearance. and that is what gets in the way of me achieving greatness, Is always having an out door to my fears.
For instance, my first day working at Booster Juice was yesterday… NEW and i'm so scared. but the fact that i can just quit if i want, kills me. I DON'T WANT THAT OUT DOOR! atleast not right now. Because i need to be forced to go one direction I NEED to be pushed, and right now i'm all alone in my aspirations and dreams, and struggles, and neww JOBBSSS. So i'm forceing myself, right now!
And you know, if i was that bad, my boss is goin gto let me out of my misery, so it's alright! right…?

The two girls i worked with yesterday, are so differnt to what i'm used to. I am so used to the firends i have, i forgot how to make friends. HOW SAD IS THAT. i forgot how to flirt, i forgot how to say hello. I FORGOT about first impresions. I FORGOT ABOUT ALL THAT STUPID SOCIAL SHIT. because i stoppped caring. and i think that, that might not be good for me in the long run. I mean i think the thought i was normal and boring. but i was concentrating JEESUS!

--but yes, i am going to my mom's for Spring Break, and Olivia is joining me. I'm really happy that she is to be honest. i feel unstable alone. is that odd. FEAR is what it is.
Going to do something productive now.

Sunday, March 7, 2010

You know… i nearly killed myself one time. I texted you for help. And when you couldn't help make me happy again, that's when i knew. At least you gave me a reason to walk again.

recap on the women looking...

So i am trying to get my math homework finished, and then i have to get my English poster done. OH ELSE i get a ZERO tomorrow. i'll hopefully get it done. i'm not tooooo sure about how well i'm going to do on my math assignment. They always put questions on there, that we never learned in class. THEY ARE SETTING US UP TO FAIL. But i'm not complaining, i mean i like how it gets my brain to work. I feel like it's growing. i am just hoping i can get some help on one or two questions tomorrow. i mean i know i will….. hopefully.

This week i've learned that, it's hard to forget about people. especially when you have donated much of your time to them.

I don't exactly have a printer at home that works... This school year is going to be different. But i will manage.

The weather is warming up. sweater weather. that's always a good sign! :) So running season can start up. cannot wait to shed these pounds. not that it matters. but my self esteem is down. no matter what people say! at least i'm doing something about it. not just whining over it.

I will never go to west ed again. that place is a fucking cult. i kinda can't wait till i'm done school. and i can get out of here. go on a wilderness adventure. and i will be more mature, won't cry over spilt milk when i'm gone this time.

be happy everyone, and do the math... i will be :(