GAGA FOR PRADA

Wow, way to speak the truth Emily. way to speak the truth. Never once have you been so honest with yourself, i'm really proud… of myself. Good bye World

Martini wieners

You know i figured something out today, i mean i'm all worried about my 18th birthday, 'cause everybody usually has a really great time drinking n all. and as much as that would be fun. I have no one i truly want to see right now. I mean everyone has moved on… anyways, despite all my regular plans, i mean i was gonna go skiing with a couple friends, but seeing as how my friends really don't give  shit about anything these days, they'd rather smoke it up, or devote their teen years to their mom's. So i decided that when i turn 18 i'm gonna do something for me, something I can enjoy, something i know will make my 18th memorable and honourable. I want ot go to Australia and work there. i want to leave this place, this atmosphere. I want to enjoy myself, by myself and make a name for myself. I want to grow up and move on like everyone has done, only in a different way. I'm not completely sure if Australia will be my choice but iw ill leave some day, in March or April. i'd like it to be on my birthday, mostly 'cause i don't want to face all the "How's your 18th?" Bullshit. So here's too all you fuckers who never gave a shit. I'm leaving to a place where no one knows me, where I'm not near any of you, and not even close to snow. I want to make a name for myself. somewhere else. 'cause i know. that right now, where i am right now is just not the place i am meant to be. So spare me..

This is a "FUCK YOU" blog..

FUCK YOU! hell yeah i'm mad, how could I not be?

GOD DAMNIT, everything sucks; I'm just gonna save up and fucking make my life in a third world country, where people are happy and there's less SHIT going on… yeah!

FUCK YOUUUUUUU!  i got my life under control too no need to FUCKING MAKE ME FEEL ASHAMED OF IT! 

I fucking hate shading now…

Met a nice grade 10 'er today. had the best chocolate croissant in the world. And thought about my Ex boyfriend. Feels weird to say boyfriend, 'cause i never liked referring to you that way. Ever. But yeah i was think about you today, Shawn. I miss you.  A piece inside me hopes you haven't met anyone, partly 'cause i like where we are right now, and having you with someone else… i think that'll complicate things. But mostly because it's hard to deal with the fact. the fact that someone else will kiss you. mmmmmm kissing.
Fuck mocha's - are those girly drinks? From now on i will order the americano be like all those bad ass old guys.
Anyways, i have to finishing shading this stupid picture for stupid art class. JK art class isn't stupid. It's stability in my eyes, at least i haven't given up yet and ran back to Edmonton.. yeaaaaaaaaa not yet.
Sorry this blog was lame. Really lame...

Let's all go poo in public washrooms today…

No time to fret guy's! So my dad came to visita couple days ago, and we had a long conversation about… everything. 

But i want everyone to know something, i want you all to know that you should all deal with your problems head on RIGHT THEN, and then when the problem is resolved move on, keep going on with your day! forget it ever happened. MAKE NEW HAPPY MEMORIES THAT DAY rather than fret over that one little problem that's been buggin you. If someone said something that bothered you, confront it in a polite manner, get it dealt with! it's 99.9% not a big deal anywayss.. COMMON GUYS NO NEED TO OVER THINK THIS! 

DEAL WITH YOUR FUCKING PROBLEMS RIGHT THERE AND THEN! AFTERWARDS MOVE ON AS IF NOTHING HAS HAPPENED AND YOU ARE FREE AND HAPPY AND CLEAR OF WHATEVER IT WAS THAT WAS MAKING YOU WORRY! LIVE YOU GUYS, FUCKIGN LIVE! AND LOVE… AND SMILE… AND DON'T LIEK THE LITTLE THINGS GET THE BEST OF YOU! 

That's how animals live, that's how we shoudl too. Be happy, be loving, be freeee :) 

love you guys, if i didn't i wouldn't tell you my happiness secrets ;) goodluck with all your life aspirations and hope that all your dreams come true! 

I feel like belching my fucking brains out…

I'm not gonna lie, i've had a ruff year, 2010 is almost over and i think that 2011 will give me a new take on life and a while new perspective on everything. 2010 was crazy. Neve again will i go through that shit, never again… I am only human.

today i got told by the chef about how i "talk back". He said it too nicely, so nicely that i could tell he was trying to make it seem as if it wasn't a a serious topic of discussion. But i know what he said, i know how he meant it, and i appreciate that he doesn't want to be too stern on the topic. But if he's serious about it then he should tell me. I may be a girl and i may only be 17, but i know how to take it. Everyone will shut down after they hear bad criticism, it's how you shut down, it's how you act the next day, it's what you say to that person afterwards.

Do i mean to come off that way? COMPLETELY AND UTTERLY NOT
when you tell me to do something, and i say something like "absolutely" or "for sure"-i mean it. I'm not saying it to make it seem like i don't respect you. I respect you more for being who you are, and for being as open as you are. I respect many things about you. Everything.. for that matter. You treat all your employees with respect, and i want you to know that i respect you in the same manner.

I'm really quiet at first, and i understand how that effects me, and how others see me. When i start talking, everything i say is suddenly heard by everyone else. Everything i say is kinda taken into questioning or always studied. I'm sorry for starting to feel open with you guys, i just thought that since you are all open with each other that i could be as well. It's OK though, i mean it; i like you guys and i like my job and i am grateful for it as much as you guys might be… I want to do great things


>>>onto a topic that is less hard to type emotionally. I mean what i said up there is kinda the point i was trying to make, but not really… i don't really know what point i'm trying to make…
Anyway's, i started school. I'm doing an art class at the high school here… big whoop? not really
i just hope it helps me in the end, and shows to serve a purpose and that purpose is to MEET PEOPLE! I'm tired of all this fukcing attitude i get from people, when i say that i don't know anyone… gosh darnet.

Anyhoo, i'm tired. 5:30 am wake up call for the next 3 days. I wonder if i did my homework at the harbour house, they wouldn't mind… in other words.. they wouldn't JUDGE me. I mean common i would actually really love it. I love the lighting and the space and the good people i could get to see. I wonder if they have wifi though? I'll seeeeeeeeeeeeee! GOOD NIGHT! and i hope all the best to everyone, and i hope you all learn from the mistakes you've made, and make lots more mistakes to learn from. AND I WISH YOU MORE HAPPINESS THEN I EVER HAD! If i could give the last ounces of happiness i had, away; I would give my happiness to someone else so that it could add to how much they have already, to make their life greater than it could ever possibly be…

I hate myself

since when does school become a social game?
And since when does socks and ugg boots become the style. I started that.
Adn since when did pie taste so good?
FUCK!
So i went to the school here. Again. Life sucks when you're scared.
But it's as if, no matter how mnay times you tell yourself all these "good quotes" You'll never feel better about yourself. It's in our blood to be scared. There's nothing that can help that. Nothing!
We are all running scared, it's impossible not to be really…
What am i talkign about? what is this? Why! Why the hell do i still run scared. I'm a mature 17 year old who is graduating and you're fucking scared? Why?
It seems that all us "highschool" folks, go on yahoo answers and ask everyone what to do, when you're going to a new highschool. FUCK ALL THEIR ANSWERS! You can only helps yourself. friends can help you too. Go ahead TALK to your friends, that's what they're there for.
God i miss my old life. this is fucking crazy. this life… FUCKIGN CRAZY
oh my god…