Tuesday, November 9, 2010

I feel like belching my fucking brains out…

I'm not gonna lie, i've had a ruff year, 2010 is almost over and i think that 2011 will give me a new take on life and a while new perspective on everything. 2010 was crazy. Neve again will i go through that shit, never again… I am only human.

today i got told by the chef about how i "talk back". He said it too nicely, so nicely that i could tell he was trying to make it seem as if it wasn't a a serious topic of discussion. But i know what he said, i know how he meant it, and i appreciate that he doesn't want to be too stern on the topic. But if he's serious about it then he should tell me. I may be a girl and i may only be 17, but i know how to take it. Everyone will shut down after they hear bad criticism, it's how you shut down, it's how you act the next day, it's what you say to that person afterwards.

Do i mean to come off that way? COMPLETELY AND UTTERLY NOT
when you tell me to do something, and i say something like "absolutely" or "for sure"-i mean it. I'm not saying it to make it seem like i don't respect you. I respect you more for being who you are, and for being as open as you are. I respect many things about you. Everything.. for that matter. You treat all your employees with respect, and i want you to know that i respect you in the same manner.

I'm really quiet at first, and i understand how that effects me, and how others see me. When i start talking, everything i say is suddenly heard by everyone else. Everything i say is kinda taken into questioning or always studied. I'm sorry for starting to feel open with you guys, i just thought that since you are all open with each other that i could be as well. It's OK though, i mean it; i like you guys and i like my job and i am grateful for it as much as you guys might be… I want to do great things


>>>onto a topic that is less hard to type emotionally. I mean what i said up there is kinda the point i was trying to make, but not really… i don't really know what point i'm trying to make…
Anyway's, i started school. I'm doing an art class at the high school here… big whoop? not really
i just hope it helps me in the end, and shows to serve a purpose and that purpose is to MEET PEOPLE! I'm tired of all this fukcing attitude i get from people, when i say that i don't know anyone… gosh darnet.

Anyhoo, i'm tired. 5:30 am wake up call for the next 3 days. I wonder if i did my homework at the harbour house, they wouldn't mind… in other words.. they wouldn't JUDGE me. I mean common i would actually really love it. I love the lighting and the space and the good people i could get to see. I wonder if they have wifi though? I'll seeeeeeeeeeeeee! GOOD NIGHT! and i hope all the best to everyone, and i hope you all learn from the mistakes you've made, and make lots more mistakes to learn from. AND I WISH YOU MORE HAPPINESS THEN I EVER HAD! If i could give the last ounces of happiness i had, away; I would give my happiness to someone else so that it could add to how much they have already, to make their life greater than it could ever possibly be…

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