I should really go to school on Monday. I won't be as welcomed as i was before, mostly because i haven't gone in three weeks… It seems like a lot, but a lot has been going on. Do i need an excuse really? Anyways i should probably finish my stupid soulless, unnecessary, wicked, stupid still-life i was supposed to have completed a while ago. I should really start putting photo's up, of these things i talk about. i can't think of stupid adjectives all day…
I have a project on my mind lately, i'm really excited about it. Mostly because i haven't created anything of my own in over a month, and it's about time to get back into the whole painting thing again. I'm doing this acrylic painting. It's really sci fi. I chose acrylic 'cause it's the brightest paint i have, and the person i'm doing it for deserves the brightest and best-est. the problem is, i don't know what my limits are herrreee… guess it's only his fault right… haha
Yeah, i've been looking for a lot, i mean a lot of inspiration this week. I've been looking for a lot of answers. there's something really scary about being young, and having the world at your finger tips. I feel like it's over powering, and that i'm tripping over myself more so now that school is dissolving and my childhood is gone, and money has become my goal. I'm foccusing on money right now, because when i do realize my destiny, or whatever god forsaken thing i want to do with my life, i want to fufill it. And it's better to be loaded when you're 18, than just be starting…
So inspiration. not only have i been talking to some people, but i'm also learning a lot about people. I'm figuring out that people can be mean and we have to figure out how to bring ourselves up from that. i figured out that people are very judgmental. They may want something a different way, or feel they have to control every second of someone else's life to fulfil their own. BASICALLY: People can't except others, it's not in our nature.We feel the need to always make an impact somehow, on whomever. So maybe us little-uns have to learn how to take it, because we are smart enough to realize it.
So, i have my first Sunday off. this means: no regret about skipping school, 'cause there aint no school, and aint no work. Basically a day to myself with no mistakes or should-of-done's in the back of my head. My soul feels free…
So tomorrow, i'm planning on going outside for most of the day. I want to go on the hike up to the beach. I may be raining but baby, it only depends on how much rain! I need this, i need the fresh air, i need to think long and hard about what i want to do about school, i need to figure out how much money i need to move, i need to think about why i'm not feeling sooooo great these last couple weeks, and i need to lye in the grass and soak up some-a-that Earth. Love everything;
p.s. before i go i just really need to get something off my chest. I'm not the greatest speaker when it comes to socializing, so i think just typing this will be the best i can do.
I know a lot of things are happening in your life right now. I know you feel the weight of the Earth on you, i know you feel liek everything is falling apart, like the world is not so much as weighing you down, but shattering on top of you. I know that someone is making your life a living hell right now. I know that she is fighting with you. I know that you have many people close to you that make you happy. So please don't be so hard on yourself. Don't let her hurt you, and don't think that you are losing anything, 'cause i know that you have many many many many people who care and love you. You're smile is the only one that brightens my day. And i hope that after this month you realize how much you have after losing so little. I hope that all your wishes come true for you and your loved ones. And i want to tell you how talented, educated, humorous and bright you are. You are a brilliant person, please don't let anything take that away. (Paul)