Let's all go poo in public washrooms today…

No time to fret guy's! So my dad came to visita couple days ago, and we had a long conversation about… everything. 

But i want everyone to know something, i want you all to know that you should all deal with your problems head on RIGHT THEN, and then when the problem is resolved move on, keep going on with your day! forget it ever happened. MAKE NEW HAPPY MEMORIES THAT DAY rather than fret over that one little problem that's been buggin you. If someone said something that bothered you, confront it in a polite manner, get it dealt with! it's 99.9% not a big deal anywayss.. COMMON GUYS NO NEED TO OVER THINK THIS! 

DEAL WITH YOUR FUCKING PROBLEMS RIGHT THERE AND THEN! AFTERWARDS MOVE ON AS IF NOTHING HAS HAPPENED AND YOU ARE FREE AND HAPPY AND CLEAR OF WHATEVER IT WAS THAT WAS MAKING YOU WORRY! LIVE YOU GUYS, FUCKIGN LIVE! AND LOVE… AND SMILE… AND DON'T LIEK THE LITTLE THINGS GET THE BEST OF YOU! 

That's how animals live, that's how we shoudl too. Be happy, be loving, be freeee :) 

love you guys, if i didn't i wouldn't tell you my happiness secrets ;) goodluck with all your life aspirations and hope that all your dreams come true! 

I feel like belching my fucking brains out…

I'm not gonna lie, i've had a ruff year, 2010 is almost over and i think that 2011 will give me a new take on life and a while new perspective on everything. 2010 was crazy. Neve again will i go through that shit, never again… I am only human.

today i got told by the chef about how i "talk back". He said it too nicely, so nicely that i could tell he was trying to make it seem as if it wasn't a a serious topic of discussion. But i know what he said, i know how he meant it, and i appreciate that he doesn't want to be too stern on the topic. But if he's serious about it then he should tell me. I may be a girl and i may only be 17, but i know how to take it. Everyone will shut down after they hear bad criticism, it's how you shut down, it's how you act the next day, it's what you say to that person afterwards.

Do i mean to come off that way? COMPLETELY AND UTTERLY NOT
when you tell me to do something, and i say something like "absolutely" or "for sure"-i mean it. I'm not saying it to make it seem like i don't respect you. I respect you more for being who you are, and for being as open as you are. I respect many things about you. Everything.. for that matter. You treat all your employees with respect, and i want you to know that i respect you in the same manner.

I'm really quiet at first, and i understand how that effects me, and how others see me. When i start talking, everything i say is suddenly heard by everyone else. Everything i say is kinda taken into questioning or always studied. I'm sorry for starting to feel open with you guys, i just thought that since you are all open with each other that i could be as well. It's OK though, i mean it; i like you guys and i like my job and i am grateful for it as much as you guys might be… I want to do great things


>>>onto a topic that is less hard to type emotionally. I mean what i said up there is kinda the point i was trying to make, but not really… i don't really know what point i'm trying to make…
Anyway's, i started school. I'm doing an art class at the high school here… big whoop? not really
i just hope it helps me in the end, and shows to serve a purpose and that purpose is to MEET PEOPLE! I'm tired of all this fukcing attitude i get from people, when i say that i don't know anyone… gosh darnet.

Anyhoo, i'm tired. 5:30 am wake up call for the next 3 days. I wonder if i did my homework at the harbour house, they wouldn't mind… in other words.. they wouldn't JUDGE me. I mean common i would actually really love it. I love the lighting and the space and the good people i could get to see. I wonder if they have wifi though? I'll seeeeeeeeeeeeee! GOOD NIGHT! and i hope all the best to everyone, and i hope you all learn from the mistakes you've made, and make lots more mistakes to learn from. AND I WISH YOU MORE HAPPINESS THEN I EVER HAD! If i could give the last ounces of happiness i had, away; I would give my happiness to someone else so that it could add to how much they have already, to make their life greater than it could ever possibly be…

I hate myself

since when does school become a social game?
And since when does socks and ugg boots become the style. I started that.
Adn since when did pie taste so good?
FUCK!
So i went to the school here. Again. Life sucks when you're scared.
But it's as if, no matter how mnay times you tell yourself all these "good quotes" You'll never feel better about yourself. It's in our blood to be scared. There's nothing that can help that. Nothing!
We are all running scared, it's impossible not to be really…
What am i talkign about? what is this? Why! Why the hell do i still run scared. I'm a mature 17 year old who is graduating and you're fucking scared? Why?
It seems that all us "highschool" folks, go on yahoo answers and ask everyone what to do, when you're going to a new highschool. FUCK ALL THEIR ANSWERS! You can only helps yourself. friends can help you too. Go ahead TALK to your friends, that's what they're there for.
God i miss my old life. this is fucking crazy. this life… FUCKIGN CRAZY
oh my god…

Vancouver Blood

So this Sunday my sister had a course on Physchosematics energetics, atleast i think that's how you spell it… 
That's besides the point, so it was my momma, brotha, and sista and we had a pretty good time. i felt like it was the perfect vacation for me and to connect with my family. 
Sooooo, i don't feel like typing but i did just wanna say that I enjoyed vancouver and that i feel closer to my family more than ever, well at least since i moved out of my sister's place… 
ANYWAYS see you! :)

harbour happiness

So I'm thinking about all the things i wish i could say to you guys, at work. Something to say that would sum up how grateful i am for everyone i've met ever since i started working there. Never thought i'd get a job on Salt Spring, it was always just the place to visit my mom when i was in the dumps. But ever since i left my home, Edmonton; left my friends who have grown apart and set off into the world, left my home i grew up in and have so many memories with, left everything. BI never knew what real pain felt like till my life turned upside down. Never knew how many bad things could happen with a couple drinks and bad choices. Never knew that insomnia was never good for my tears. Never thought we would of been eating dinner as a family with what furniture we had left. We used boxes for chairs and a table that replaced our big one. the one we used to use at Christmas when the whole family would come out. But we had used a small 2x2 square wooden one we got from my Dad. Eating soup and all thinking about how sad this all is. How sad the next day was going to be when we split up.

Anyways… I guess i'm just trying to find the words to express how i feel now, the words to express how many things i've learned ever since getting hired here, things that have helped me recover after all these months of, "misery".

I know none of you know me well enough, i mean it's only been like a month/half, you just knwo me as the "Quirky smirky" (i hat ethat by the way) that's besides the point. I haven't smiled this much in a long time, and i thank you so much. I realized this week, imean i learned something and i've grown a lot this week. It's picked me up an inch, and that one inch has given me all the hope in the world to grow a meter. So thakn you for being so nice, thank you for being so humble, so funny, and so memorable. thank you "front-desk-people" for being super duper nice and having conversations with me in the morning and when i leave.

thank you for accepting me you guys. I hope i stay for a while because i really like who I've become ever since. I haven't dared to go back to my dark times, and i'm really tirning my life around. history may come back again and again, But, it doesn't matter, i'm in a different province on an island meeting wonderful people. and about to begin a new confident life of my own.

This barely sums up how grateful i am for all of you, but i wish you truly knew…

[Emily]

Week to Remember

I sometimes think about all the funny things that have happened to us, olivia and I. Mostly about the time that we went to get free coffee for no apparent reason other than to probably skip out on another leadership class. We were standing at the busy bus stop laughing really hard at the fact that you don't even like coffee. You were wondering why people drink that "crap". You were playing with the coffee cup, saying how much coffee they poured. It was to the brim. You took the lid off for some idiotic reason. Lucky for us, some dude decides to do some fucking Karate in the middle of downtown on a busy sidewalk. Indescribable, but i look back on this a lot, and it a l w a y s makes me laugh. I called it "the-funniest-thing-ever-seen-downtown" And i stand by that. All 17 years in the city, and i have never seen something so… weird. we laughed so hard you had to put your brim-filled-boiling-hot coffee on the sidewalk before you spilt it all over yourself, and get first degree burns… or the time when we were fighting about something, really intensely, and the key board traveled down the top of the computer to the table to the chair then to the floor at the slowest speed possible. We put aside the yelling, and watched it fall like a slinky for honestly 30 seconds straight, in silence. Afterwards we forgot what we were talking about, then remembered we were late for Chemistry.

remember the first time we kinda Officially met. On the greyhound in Victoria on the Bamfield trip. You said you took karate. yata yata yata. yeah funny w.e. The naked-hobo blanket you kept throwing at me. Renata, who didn't were a bra. everyone snickering. BLAH BLAH BLAH.

Klaire… Junior high wouldn't be the same without you. You were my buddy budster in Junior high. but it wasn't always easy. Swear to god i'm still sorry 'bout the time i was friends with Ashley and we fucking made fun of you and shit. Still don't understand what drugs i was on…

either way i'm glad we came out of junior high, grown up, and still full of the most happiest memories of my life. I love you Klaire, you are sucha sweetheart. Miss cheerleading 'cause i always got to hang out with you afterwards and we used to go out and get food and talk for hours about how much we hated the twins, and what we wanted to do when we grow up. or how i had to choose between two guys. and we would be sitting at 10pm. in a mc.donalds. My ghetto phone on the table waiting for texts form both guys. and we;d create a pro, con list . ahahah geeeee, how smart. Instead we just raved about how much that phone could withstand anything. we were like throwing it at the wall and across the restaurant. it didn't matter of course cause e knew the people who worked there… Seriously i miss talking with you. Having nothing to do all day, and being able to just talk about ANYTHING and everything, knowing that they other person would respect whatever whatever you had to say. You are a true friend to me. And i'm realizing that now, that i look back. you were a really good friend to me. You still are, even if we can't have those old hang out's anymore.

Anyways… i guess i'm trying to say taht i care 'bout you guys. And i want your lives to be even greater then you have ever hoped for. I hope you all get what you want, and have ever dreamed of. I may of never said this 'cause well.. it's corny i mean who says shit like this, ever? But really You guys are the greatest friends i could of ever hoped for. And since our lives have taken different courses, i just wanted to make this, so that you know that we can still care for each other even if we don't get to hang out anymore, you know? I guess this "thing", i guess.. i 'm just hoping it makes up for lost time.

You guys are each different. And i love each of you for everything you are and for everything you have given me. You will never be forgotten, because you guys were the friends who i had while goign through highS and juniorS. And you gave me all the happiest memories. I will never forget you, ever. And you have only given me the happiest of memories. And i hope i gave you yours

I guess i'm just parting ways with good memories/words. But always keep in touch, even if were worlds a part. :) thanks guys

The Blow - True Affection (HD)

A Poem Called Clementine

Leaves do fall,

And so do we.

Everything falls,

And nothing can see.

When it happens,

It's sharp, and falls like a leaf.

When leaves fall,

so do one of "we".

You wanna know what I think?

I think i've walked up and down this hill more times than anyone who lives on it. I bet you a million dollars. I've gotten so used to the idea by the time i hit the farm, i brake out in dance the entire way up cause i've seen it all and i know how far is left. Secretly every time i pass that corner, i wonder if you will be there… i hope i get to see you again, i wonder if you live in that new house down the road……mmmmm maybe i won't be the only kid on this side of the island after all! :)

I swear to god i have the weirdest perceptions on things. I'm the kinda friend that'll do anything as long as it's with someone else, i will be up for anything you are up for, and I hope to god that one fucking day of my life I will find someone else who can find that same frame of mind. I ear to god i will not live a second believing it. I'm the kind that even if i'm sweating and fucking tired when i'm hiking up a trail in the middle of the woods, I WILL fucking brake out in dance when "heartless" by Kanye West, comes on. I fucking lived every fuckign day trying to make you people happy, and you treated me like shit. So fuck you, you don't deserve me.

And please, PLEASE for the love of mercy don't start following me just so you can read my blogs than talk to me about them when we have our own conversations. FUCK! that is not what these are meant for. I make this blog so i can talk about everything to myself. But to have some reconciliation that someone else out there is listening. So if anyone follows this blog and reads the things i write, do not come back to me and give me your opinions, cause i don't give a fuck, this blog is for me… NOT YOU!

Whenever i have to wash my shoes, they make this loud banging noise in the dryer, and the laundry room is by my neighbours pods, so every time i put them in, i feel bad… but then i remember how badly my shoes stank, and how badly i need them to walk in.

goodnight

"Pork Belly?"

I sit here and smell the butter of a croissant fresh with butter melted and jam spread. hughhh don't my cravings get the best of me…

"Can i trust you?" well if you'll start dealing details about the flight tickets then i can think about it! Don't get caught up in the past, stick to what we need form each other NOW! cause right now.. you're letting me down…

Boy! these English Paragraphs really got me in a pickle. I'm trying really hard to write about stuff that I WANT to write about, and sometimes that takes time, but hopefully i can do it tomorrow, with the last 10 dollars i have on my debit card and get myself a croissant and a rich creamy mocha. And spend all day by the ocean thinking up mysterious stories and big words to WOW you with, "english teacher".

So i'm basically out of school, and as i sign on to Facebook mid day and see that No one is online it makes me think of all the things teachers are crunching into your brains and all the friends you are laughing with. mean while i'm either sleeping in till noon, working, running, painting, and occasionally English. Yeah my Art class is still here, at home…. art 10 is boring.. BUT if everything goes well, and i;m still here next year, i will definitely consider doing art 11 in a school meat some bitchy girls and boys who wear cute clothes but are completely stupid. I wish i could meet someone, i mean other than say "hello" i wish someone would say what i want to hear for once. I mean, i not expecting it, but considering i'm the one always saying the most unheard of things, it gets tiresome talking to someone who doesn't have the same frame-of-mind. With all that said…..-> Boy, that i passed on the street, i swear to god we had a moment, and i swear to god the minute i passed you i wanted to run after you. You are a mystery and I know i'd love to get to know you… I hope i get to see you agaon… but it's been 2 weeks, all i can do is pray. … where did you come from? i swear you were a sign.

I fucking love fall, all the colourful leaves. THIS IS MY TIME OF THE YEAR BABY!

you… you… you moose!

GODDAMN IT, I MISS YOU!